What did that sign say?

The sign read “Road Closed 0.8 miles ahead” well certainly seems simple enough. This of course in our modern world is how we like things simple without any judgment, taking no stance really just letting you know. I almost could imagine “Just saying” in subscript letters below this simple message. However, the cold hard reality of life is that the sign maker left out the following parenthetical statement(s): (You there, yes you the one reading this simple sign… you know full well that you as an american have no idea what 8 tenths of 5,280 feet equates to off the top of your head because a simple 10 base system is just not your stye. You obviously are not going to try to use a calculator while driving so perhaps you will wing it in your noggin sans electronics after all you are smart [positive reinforcement]. Well it doesn’t matter because even if you were a mathematical genius or perhaps you have really jumped on board the neuroplasticity bandwagon playing various games or learning another language etc etc etc you still have no practical concept of how far ahead the road you need is from your current location. You certainly don’t know if it is more or less than 4224 feet I mean seriously what are you even thinking. But don’t worry we have set before you a series of “Detour” signs some with arrows strongly suggesting a certain direction but certainly not demanding you choose this path. Some however just say detour and we thought these would help encourage you to think logically and improve your use of reason and problem solving. But we both know that the county road we just sent you down and then had you turn into a neighborhood weaving you around wandering aimlessly, has left you wondering if you will ever see a familiar road again and this will all be much less helpful than what might seem intuitive since signs have been placed for your use. Oh and it gets better we have a special surprise for you at the end of this little slice of an ink blot test, yes that is right you still haven’t followed the directions to our satisfaction. That last sign you sailed on past said local traffic only…ya you should have turned someplace, any place, because you have now driven back to the original road closure. You should have stopped immediately and turned around, this is all your fault because clearly what the sign is trying to say is “Road Closed. Path ahead is maddening you should turn around immediately” Yet even this is too long for a street sign). Signs, signs, everywhere signs…

It's a marathon not a sprint

So two years ago I was in the hospital recovering from my 3rd surgery, you know that whole debacle. Anyway for some time now (oh maybe a year or so) I've had the good intention of getting back to working out and back on the track I was prior to going on that little sabbatical. As it turns out armed with only good intentions had me in the fast lane leading to no where good. Enter stage right Santa Claus (playing the part of Santa my lovely bride Ann Marie) who magically transformed a room of the house into a workout room complete with uber cool treadmill. Presto.... a little motivation and the proper level of gadgetry and bam here we go. So me being me and on my second session with the before mentioned treadmill and I've now discovered some of the neato features. As it turns out by the power of Google Maps I was able to download a route mapped out just about anywhere I could imagine. I, for the sake of ease and some geographical interest, downloaded several routes in Central Park (as in New York, New York). Ah this should be just lovely and let's be honest just pretty dog gone cool. So sure enough it downloads as expected and with little to no further research I'm off and running, ok close to a quick stroll and eventually something that might emulate running. I have to tell you this feature is very cool indeed, headphones in..,tunes playing and sure enough hey look at that I'm viewing my progress along the route with a combination of three alternating views map, satellite, and street views (well done Google). Ok this is not virtual reality by any means but let me tell you it is a nice distraction. Now back to the action, there I am emulating running through Central Park things are going ok but ya it clearly has been a while since I had worked out. Another feature that I like is as one zips along the virtual trail changes in elevation are translated to the treadmill as adjustments of the incline/decline. Hey that is a neat feature, I said ,as it started out at 0 and then just a few ups and down between 0 and maybe 3% incline. And then I discovered a secret mountain right there in the midst of Central Park. Yes folks you heard it hear first there is a mountain right there in Central Park.... 9% incline. Well that isn't bad really, right? Only 9%... I now know that 9% is plenty and I mean plenty. This all just became real and it wasn't long before I admitted defeat yet vowed to return.

Independence Birthday

Every year the 4th of July is a busy time around here. Of course as one will find in the history book(s) the Colonies in what later is labeled the U.S.A had something to say and declared as much on July 4th 1776. This is 241 years ago, it is amazing to me how much can happen in 241 years. In the big scheme of things this really isn't that much time yet we are so far from where we started. (or as The Doctor might explain: "People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect, but actually, from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it's more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly... timey-wimey... stuff.") Yet in what amounts to a blink of an eye in space and time, our daughter Jacqueline was born 20 years ago. In a quick side note, Jacq has always been able to enjoy something closer to a european music festival vs. a birthday celebration as it tends to stretch out over several days. (on the side of the side note, Soft Cell's Tainted Love is now playing on the radio there are numerous connections to what I was just saying as well as the memories it produces). In part this is due to the fact that she was born in Furth, Germany and while it was 6:33 in morning on the 5th it was still the 4th of July here in the States when I called to notify all of the parental units. And so from the beginning she had two birthdays, not unlike the fact that our friends to the north celebrate Thanksgiving in October yet we all know it is intended to be in November. Or Boxing Day for example, well this doesn't prove my point at all but is in fact a holiday that has nothing to do with Boxing. Oh yes now back to celebrating Jacq's birthday, Happy Birthday Jacqueline! So our Independence Day celebration has always included rounds of Happy Birthday, gift giving and celebrating both the National and Personal holiday. And so since her day of birth in Germany she has gone on to travel to Mexico, the Philippines and most recently the exotic lands of Colorado (let's be honest it is foreign land these days). So our little girl has traveled the globe over the years and I find myself extremely proud of this fact. Especially if we overlay this fact with the celebration of Independence Day, do you realize how very little Americans know about the modern world? Do you realize how very little Americans know about America? Man on the street interviews are all the rage these days and with good reason they are entertaining. Yet they are an indication of how we are drifting as a society, only a small percentage of Americans could pass the citizenship test today. Beyond the history and book knowledge there is just the experience of other cultures and some exposure to where others are coming from in their thoughts and feelings. Living abroad had an indelible impact on me and it just makes sense to me that one born on or about Independence day would go on to have a great compassion for the the people of the world and a heart so full of love and joy. One who longs to bring joy to everyone to include the least fortunate (by world standards not our american version). So here's to you kid, I and so many are big fans! Happy Birthday!

Forehead Sprawl

So the other day I'm playing golf, well what I mean by this is I was on a golf course with clubs and all the required equipment and various accouterments. Oh and I do know how to keep score but I digress. In fact I should back up, before heading out onto the Links (note the golfer slang there) I was offered sunscreen by my caring and skin care conscious friend. Ah yes, good idea I certainly need to care for my porcelain skin and so I apply liberally on my legs. Now this is an interesting choice what about arms, face, neck...oh I don't know just about every where else. Fair question but all I can tell you is my redneck-esque decision making is not a new phenomenon. Nevertheless at the end of the round, in addition to being well hydrated I've also been kissed by the sun. As you might guess it was more than a simple kiss this was more of something that requires a marriage license. It isn't long before I see it, I'm standing before a mirror and there it is... My forehead is a shade of red that should be reserved for a well prepared filet mignon. Yes, what I need is additional assistance in directing even more attention to myself. But this, this is something else all together. My rather large forehead is now highlighted like a traffic cone or beacon in the darkness. It in fact is my very own lighthouse warning passers by to stay clear. But none of this is the point really, the point is what is going on with my forehead? It clearly is much too large and from my own recollection it is now growing. In giving this some thought...it is obvious that my forehead is on the move like urban sprawl. Not unlike tectonic shifts that brought people to north america those same folks could find themselves wandering aimlessly across my noggin. This shift seems to be moving at an ever increasing if not exponential rate. As in all fairy tells there is a happy ending here, all that redneckness comes in handy since by the next day i'm back down several shades of red and rocking the farmer tan like a hoss... and they lived happily ever after he and his elephantine forehead. The End.

Does any one really know what time it is?

So not long ago I receive a notice from the State's Department of Workforce Development describing the benefits I would have available to me if I in fact were unemployed. I think to myself "Oh ok, thank you State it is kind of you to notify me" but I'm also pondering "why would this notice have been sent?" Rather quickly it does occur to me that I had just recently received a new job with a new company. Now, much like the bulk of my career(s) this in itself is a fascinating story that will require a number of entries if not a collection of essays. So moving on, it certainly would not surprise me that the big government machine kicks out all kinds of paper stuffed in more paper to simply let me know they are here to help me at any given moment. After all I and we all are paying for these exercises in wasteful futility so why not. Later that week I take a really great trip to New York City, it was one of those trips that really had just the right mix of many aspects of my crazy life. Travel went smoothly, the first evening was relaxing and to be honest was something right out of a John Grisham novel or maybe a sitcom like "Suits" (USA Network Drama, I'm a fan). Certainly not anything a this crazed kid for a fairly small town would grow up and be a part of unless as a server or performer (Think Jester not artist). And the following day was full of honest to goodness learning and networking. A quick two days and I'm out of there which how I like my trips to the big city to be these days. So that was great, slide into the weekend and before I know it I'm heading back out to the airport. It is back in the office that I receive an odd email from our Human Resources department. I paraphrase (almost entirely) " Mr. Booher, Have you applied for unemployment? I mean seriously Mr. Fancypants what are you up to anyway?". Well this catches me a bit off guard, I must confess. So I give them a call and once again I'm asked if I filed for unemployment, me being me I ask "unless you know something I don't I believe I am still employed, right?". Not at all seeing the humor in the situation (I'm still assuming an error has been made) Mrs. HR moves right back to the business at hand and we quickly come to the realization that something is amiss. I quickly receive a follow-up email that tells me to call the State's Department of Workforce Development as it appears that a fraud could be taking place here. Ok I call... And this where I find myself faced with a number of quizzes, passes through a gauntlet of insanity and a level of frustration that rises ones blood pressure to unhealthy levels. Oh and this was before speaking to anyone, the Interactive Voice Response (IVR) system has clearly been designed to halt any and all communication amongst living persons. Ah wonderful I have finally reached someone to speak with and with your standard "how can I help you" spiel we begin. I state, I've been informed that I've filed for Unemployment yet this isn't true so I need to check and see what is going on. PAUSE. "Your Name, sir".... "your SSN?"... "Your Birthday", huh? now wait a minute... I query "Isn't this how we found ourselves in this situation in the first place?" Of course a short dissertation now follows and I quickly comply. Typing, Typing, typing... "Ok and sir how may I help you?" So I restate my original opening statement. "Sir do you have a question regarding your claim?" and again I state that I have not filed a claim and need to know what to do next. She confirms my information again, and I ask maybe we could confirm some additional information since I'm sure someone else has applied other than myself. We step through other facts such my home and email address, to which there is many "oh..." and "I see..." responses. And with some additional back and forth that might remind one of a trip to psychoanalyst or maybe a verbal equivalent of a Rorschach's Ink Blot test. As we come out the other side of this little adventure it is confirmed that someone is in fact in possession of my basic information and has applied for Unemployment and that I should file a Fraud Report. Ah ha, now we are getting someplace so I of course state "Yes, I would like file a fraud report". This obvious statement is slapped back at me with the retort "You must file a report on the website". Ah yes so I head off to wild blue yonder, the internet. And sure enough I find the correct link and with some effort find the correct form to fill out. The first four questions on the form are asking about the person who filed the fraudulent claim: Name, Date of Birth, SSN, Home Address. Oh ok, well I suppose if I knew it would be good that have a place to fill in this detail. However, after filling out the remainder of the report I submit and discover that these first 4 questions on the form are mandatory. You have to be kidding me. So I just entered Unknown or the numeric equivalent. Thus far I've not heard from the state. Of course additional follow-up was required with the various Credit Bureaus and Banks etc. Thus far, no answers and no further complications. It is worth adding this all occurred by Monday. Nevertheless it was a very long week.

Some encouragment

After my fair share of rants and colorful stories on FB, a friend encourged me to start Blogging. I think to myself, yes blogging that suits me just fine. I Head over to the suggested URL to discorver err I mean remember that I already have a blog. Well let's just say I hadn't really kept up with it. So Cheers, here is to new beginings. Scott

New Airport

Getting a new Airport just doesn't happen all that often, of course it would be strange if it did. So what an event, and I get to experience it just days after it has opened. I am already traveling unexpectedly, now I'm off to the an airport that I've never been to before. Nothing can go wrong here, uh ya right. I do travel often so going through the airport is just something that I do, I don't give it much thought. However on this morning I am actually a little stressed about going to the airport. First things first, how to get there... love the internet (thanks Ann). Cool, getting there should not be bad at all. And it wasn't, I drive right to long term parking. Get my ticket, pull into the lot. Now typically I have a specific area that I drive straight to and park, nope not this time, so the hunt begins. I mean you can't just randomly pick a place to park, this needs to be thought through. Do the buses run in numerical order? So that stop #1 is the first stop, is the last stop (#9 i think) the first stop? Well I'm driving around checking things out and suddenly realize that I just don't care all that much. So I see stop #3, seems safe enough. Park, get my stuff and wait on the bus. Did I mention it is about 3 shades of cold outside, ah good times.
So here comes the bus, step on, drop the bags and take a seat. All is good and then some kind of alarm starts to sound. The bus stops...starts....and....stops. Yep something is wrong with the bus. No problem, this shouldn't be a problem there is a radio, just call the next bus. Oh what's that... the radio doesn't work either....yikes. So the bus driver who has been talking but I'm not paying much attention to, gets up and starts to exit the bus. This is when he mentions that the problem is these are Natural Gas buses, and this one has a leak....uh what? Did he just say our bus has a gas leak as he was exiting the bus. Well he literally waves down the next bus, the driver of the second bus says "hey we were wondering why you weren't moving". uh why just wonder, I might suggest "Hey actually go and check it out next time".

Ok great on a new bus now, yet interestingly enough we are not moving. The other man on the bus with me suggests that we get going. The response he receives is just plain funny. She can't move forward because the first bus we were on is in the way. Now please note that we are in a absolutely huge parking lot that is no where near full. So we ask why can't you go around and use the next row over to go around, the answer... that isn't this buses route. Ah ok, well let's go around, "well this is my first day" the driver says. (Shocking) So with some additional debate we go around and I'm on my way again. The good news is I have arrived early in anticipation of some craziness.

We pull up and wow the new airport looks great, I walk in and yes it really does look great. Of course it is more modern, it is huge and you can see how it can easily handle many more travelers then the old airport. Walk through the new food court area and on to security, it isn't busy and I get through security very quickly. Walking to the gate I discover this is now a big time airport, there are People Movers! The people mover quickly takes me passed both a Shapiro's deli and also a King David's hotdog place, then I arrive at a Starbuck's. Too bad you have to have a boarding pass to get in here. Oh and btw you can once again watch the planes take off like back in the days as a kid, there is an amazing amount of glass to include areas before security.