Does any one really know what time it is?

So not long ago I receive a notice from the State's Department of Workforce Development describing the benefits I would have available to me if I in fact were unemployed. I think to myself "Oh ok, thank you State it is kind of you to notify me" but I'm also pondering "why would this notice have been sent?" Rather quickly it does occur to me that I had just recently received a new job with a new company. Now, much like the bulk of my career(s) this in itself is a fascinating story that will require a number of entries if not a collection of essays. So moving on, it certainly would not surprise me that the big government machine kicks out all kinds of paper stuffed in more paper to simply let me know they are here to help me at any given moment. After all I and we all are paying for these exercises in wasteful futility so why not. Later that week I take a really great trip to New York City, it was one of those trips that really had just the right mix of many aspects of my crazy life. Travel went smoothly, the first evening was relaxing and to be honest was something right out of a John Grisham novel or maybe a sitcom like "Suits" (USA Network Drama, I'm a fan). Certainly not anything a this crazed kid for a fairly small town would grow up and be a part of unless as a server or performer (Think Jester not artist). And the following day was full of honest to goodness learning and networking. A quick two days and I'm out of there which how I like my trips to the big city to be these days. So that was great, slide into the weekend and before I know it I'm heading back out to the airport. It is back in the office that I receive an odd email from our Human Resources department. I paraphrase (almost entirely) " Mr. Booher, Have you applied for unemployment? I mean seriously Mr. Fancypants what are you up to anyway?". Well this catches me a bit off guard, I must confess. So I give them a call and once again I'm asked if I filed for unemployment, me being me I ask "unless you know something I don't I believe I am still employed, right?". Not at all seeing the humor in the situation (I'm still assuming an error has been made) Mrs. HR moves right back to the business at hand and we quickly come to the realization that something is amiss. I quickly receive a follow-up email that tells me to call the State's Department of Workforce Development as it appears that a fraud could be taking place here. Ok I call... And this where I find myself faced with a number of quizzes, passes through a gauntlet of insanity and a level of frustration that rises ones blood pressure to unhealthy levels. Oh and this was before speaking to anyone, the Interactive Voice Response (IVR) system has clearly been designed to halt any and all communication amongst living persons. Ah wonderful I have finally reached someone to speak with and with your standard "how can I help you" spiel we begin. I state, I've been informed that I've filed for Unemployment yet this isn't true so I need to check and see what is going on. PAUSE. "Your Name, sir".... "your SSN?"... "Your Birthday", huh? now wait a minute... I query "Isn't this how we found ourselves in this situation in the first place?" Of course a short dissertation now follows and I quickly comply. Typing, Typing, typing... "Ok and sir how may I help you?" So I restate my original opening statement. "Sir do you have a question regarding your claim?" and again I state that I have not filed a claim and need to know what to do next. She confirms my information again, and I ask maybe we could confirm some additional information since I'm sure someone else has applied other than myself. We step through other facts such my home and email address, to which there is many "oh..." and "I see..." responses. And with some additional back and forth that might remind one of a trip to psychoanalyst or maybe a verbal equivalent of a Rorschach's Ink Blot test. As we come out the other side of this little adventure it is confirmed that someone is in fact in possession of my basic information and has applied for Unemployment and that I should file a Fraud Report. Ah ha, now we are getting someplace so I of course state "Yes, I would like file a fraud report". This obvious statement is slapped back at me with the retort "You must file a report on the website". Ah yes so I head off to wild blue yonder, the internet. And sure enough I find the correct link and with some effort find the correct form to fill out. The first four questions on the form are asking about the person who filed the fraudulent claim: Name, Date of Birth, SSN, Home Address. Oh ok, well I suppose if I knew it would be good that have a place to fill in this detail. However, after filling out the remainder of the report I submit and discover that these first 4 questions on the form are mandatory. You have to be kidding me. So I just entered Unknown or the numeric equivalent. Thus far I've not heard from the state. Of course additional follow-up was required with the various Credit Bureaus and Banks etc. Thus far, no answers and no further complications. It is worth adding this all occurred by Monday. Nevertheless it was a very long week.