What did that sign say?

The sign read “Road Closed 0.8 miles ahead” well certainly seems simple enough. This of course in our modern world is how we like things simple without any judgment, taking no stance really just letting you know. I almost could imagine “Just saying” in subscript letters below this simple message. However, the cold hard reality of life is that the sign maker left out the following parenthetical statement(s): (You there, yes you the one reading this simple sign… you know full well that you as an american have no idea what 8 tenths of 5,280 feet equates to off the top of your head because a simple 10 base system is just not your stye. You obviously are not going to try to use a calculator while driving so perhaps you will wing it in your noggin sans electronics after all you are smart [positive reinforcement]. Well it doesn’t matter because even if you were a mathematical genius or perhaps you have really jumped on board the neuroplasticity bandwagon playing various games or learning another language etc etc etc you still have no practical concept of how far ahead the road you need is from your current location. You certainly don’t know if it is more or less than 4224 feet I mean seriously what are you even thinking. But don’t worry we have set before you a series of “Detour” signs some with arrows strongly suggesting a certain direction but certainly not demanding you choose this path. Some however just say detour and we thought these would help encourage you to think logically and improve your use of reason and problem solving. But we both know that the county road we just sent you down and then had you turn into a neighborhood weaving you around wandering aimlessly, has left you wondering if you will ever see a familiar road again and this will all be much less helpful than what might seem intuitive since signs have been placed for your use. Oh and it gets better we have a special surprise for you at the end of this little slice of an ink blot test, yes that is right you still haven’t followed the directions to our satisfaction. That last sign you sailed on past said local traffic only…ya you should have turned someplace, any place, because you have now driven back to the original road closure. You should have stopped immediately and turned around, this is all your fault because clearly what the sign is trying to say is “Road Closed. Path ahead is maddening you should turn around immediately” Yet even this is too long for a street sign). Signs, signs, everywhere signs…